After nearly a decade of going ever-deeper with tools like karmic astrology and Tarot, I am more surprised than anyone to find myself now feeling the need to take a step away from them—or, at the very least, a step back from how they are typically used (and abused.)
While I absolutely believe there is real utility in these beautiful tools, and I will continue to use them to some degree, I am no longer making them central to my work—in my own journey or that of my clients. I have found, in most cases, there is an addictive cycle to this type of work. It seems there is always another layer of distraction and avoidance with esoteric tools; more to understand, more to uncover, more to apply to our lives and get some kind of charge or reward from it. It can be intellectually satisfying, but it also keeps us at a distance from feeling our true emotions.
The real work that we must do is so simple. It’s not easy, but it’s simple. We must put ourselves in the path of our emotional triggers, feel fully whatever it is that we are resisting feeling, and surrender in faith to that state. That is the only way divine energy can flow through us. Astrology can help us position ourselves more strategically vis-a-vis those triggers, but it cannot take us all the way there.
I have been struggling over the past few months to continue offering astrological and Tarot readings as a vocation. I no longer feel it is a very loving thing to give or receive (in most cases—obviously there are exceptions and if you are reading this you probably are one!) It has been my experience that so many people approach esoteric work in a very unloving, transactional, demanding, and frankly quite addictive way. I notice this more in readings through gig sites like Fiverr and Etsy than I do through traffic organically generated from this site, but attempting to pay the bills with such readings has become very spiritually and emotionally draining and is ultimately corrosive to all parties involved.
The real path in this life is to plunge into our greatest fears and allow them to overwhelm us in order to develop true faith. Astrology, as most people deploy it, is a way of trying to game that system. That’s certainly what drew me to it in the first place all those years ago: I was experiencing searing heartbreak that threatened to overtake me entirely, just a totally consuming existential panic, and a desperate need to somehow “make sense” of that panic and manage that fear. My journey through astrology and the Akashic has given me immense self-knowledge and awareness, but those fears remain under the surface where they continue to control my life in every way. My immense, bone-level fears of failure and rejection—and the ways in which they interact—have continued to determine everything in my experience and will continue to do so until I feel them fully.
My path now is one of locating reactivity and unconsciousness and drawing it out into the light where it can be felt. In many ways this mirrors stepwork in recovery—most notably the ninth, or “amends,” step. The reason addicts make direct amends to those harmed is to truly feel the panic of imminent rejection and condemnation. We admit our failures in order to confront them fully. And once confronted, we realize they cannot kill us. We are still here. Even total rejection and total failure cannot destroy us in reality; it can only do so when it remains cloaked in shame and secrecy. And there is no way to truly know that, to feel the absolute truth of that and the inner strength that comes as a result of knowing that, without experiencing it directly.
I want to help as many people as possible have that experience and know that kind of emotional liberation. If that resonates with you, please reach out to me. Much love.